"All men dream, But not Equally" - T.E Lawrence

Dream big like this guy. Photography by Nadav Kander.

"In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty" - Christopher Morley

Brad never stood a fucking chance.

“I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows.” - Andy Warhol



No , its not a Vienetta ice cream , its a shirt.








First dates are easy to get, it’s impressing your date enough to get a second date that’s the tricky part. Your potential future happiness rides on your success in the first instance. The first date can be a minefield, but relax; we are here to help you combat this anxiety.


First of all, with regards to paying, guys should pay for the first date, don’t ask why those are just the rules. Afterwards though it should always be 50/50. Thanks to the marching suffragettes and bra burning feminist’s everything’s fair now in 2011, so cough up all you equally paid ladies. Guys should still hold doors open though, obviously.  Now here are some standard bulletproof do's and don’ts to the first date.


DON’T- greet your date by pointing and winking at them, unless your name is 'The Fonz' as this will just make them most likely be a bit sick in their mouths.


DO - give good eye contact when talking or listening to your date. No eye contact just screams lack of confidence and no ones finds that attractive. Unless of course your date is prone to acts of domestic violence, then it’s ideal.


DONT - give eye contact when not talking or listening to your date, that’s just staring...and your date is getting freaked out by it and regretting that they haven’t brought a rape whistle. Stop. 


DO - tell your date they look good. Perhaps drop a subtle complement when you first see them like a simple 'you look nice'. Not to enthusiastic though like an "OOOFFTT!” followed by a compliment regarding any parts of their body, as you don’t really want to sound like Keith Lemon or that you’re just out of prison.


DON’T - compliment your date on obscure facts that you only know because you Facebooked stalked the shit out of them. It’s so creepy.


DO - have a get out now clause, because sometimes there’s no point dragging a dead horse and wasting everyone’s time. If the other person's face or voice is having a nerve gas like effect on you, leave. Txt a friend and ask them to call you up in the middle of the date crying about some real personal bullcrap stuff that they need you to console them with instantly. Tell your date that you obviously must comply swiftly as they’ve previously made two failed suicide attempts and you can hear Adele's 'Someone like you' playing full blast in the background. Probably best to change your number.


DON’T - agree to meet up anywhere remote like woods or on an abandoned golf course. Also if they turn up wearing gloves and a balaclava, instantly call it off. Chances are they are carrying a concealed Weapon. So don’t hang around and ask that old cheesy question 'is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me', because the answer will probably be yes to both. Run like forest.


DO - laugh at their jokes, even if they are rank. It makes the other person feel funnier and therefore more relaxed which can remove tension and perhaps later underwear. Result. 


DON’T - Drop pedophile jokes or any jokes that begin with "I’m not racist or anything but..." you most likely are being racist. Plus no one was ever turned on by a pedophile joke, unless they’re on a national register of some sort and if so, good luck with that.

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” -Bob Marley

Bob knew what he was talking about, probably because he only smoked the good shit. One Love.

"When in doubt wear red" - Bill Blass

Daphne Guinness for Vanity Fair by Michael Roberts

"I love his music because he was my generation. But then again, Elvis is everyone's generation, and he always will be". - Margaret Thatcher

Back in the day,  Maggie was all over this, the old minx.

“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.” - Muhammad Ali

Muhammad Ali and some random 4 scousers nobodys ever heard off.

This is the legend of Cassius Clay,
The most beautiful fighter in the world today.
He talks a great deal, and brags indeed-y,
of a muscular punch that's incredibly speed-y.
The fistic world was dull and weary,
... But with a champ like Liston, things had to be dreary.
Then someone with color and someone with dash,
Brought fight fans are runnin' with Cash.
This brash young boxer is something to see
And the heavyweight championship is his des-tin-y.
This kid fights great; he’s got speed and endurance,
But if you sign to fight him, increase your insurance.
This kid's got a left; this kid's got a right,
If he hit you once, you're asleep for the night.
And as you lie on the floor while the ref counts ten,
You’ll pray that you won’t have to fight me again.
For I am the man this poem’s about,
The next champ of the world, there isn’t a doubt.
This I predict and I know the score,
I’ll be champ of the world in ’64.
When I say three, they’ll go in the third,
So don’t bet against me, I’m a man of my word.
He is the greatest! Yes!
I am the man this poem’s about,
I’ll be champ of the world, there isn’t a doubt.
Here I predict Mr. Liston’s dismemberment,
I’ll hit him so hard; he’ll wonder where October and November went.
When I say two, there’s never a third,
Standin against me is completely absurd.
When Cassius says a mouse can outrun a horse,
Don’t ask how; put your money where your mouse is!
I AM THE GREATEST!

Muhammad Ali

The Greatest and the King

"People don't realize what they had till it's gone. Like President Kennedy - nobody like him. The Beatles, there will never be anything like them. Like my man, Elvis Presley. I was the Elvis of boxing" - Muhammad Ali

“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.” ― Muhammad Ali



Who's going to tell him he's wrong?



How to not fuck up your life in the first year of uni.

We've all been here...

                                             
You have survived fresher’s week. You have been forced into mixing with a bunch of strangers, getting drunk with them in order to numb the awkwardness of them being strangers and now everyone’s your new best friend for life. Your light Facebook stalking has probably gone into overdrive and as a result your Facebook friends list has sky rocketed. Result. 


But everyone now also knows that you got so drunk that on the 1st night out you offended your new flatmates, passionately cavorted with someone who might have been Muammar Gaddafi's twin brother, thrown up, passed out and soiled your own bed sheets. Relax we’ve all been there. 


But for future reference here are some pointers to avoid the pitfalls of ruining your life in the 1st year of Uni and remaining semi alive.


Money


Vintage stores are not as cheep as they used to be. You need a bike because the cost of weekly tubes is the same as that of a mortgage. So you need a job, so get a job , send out CV's to every bar and shop in London , go to jobs fair, check the UAL careers website. It’s very good. For smokers, say hello to roll ups.


If your skint don’t resort to shoplifting, you will most likely just get caught and it could ruin your chances of a career. If your shoplifting and your not skint then your either greedy or have got adrenalin rush issues so you probably wont even be reading this as you’ll be to busy having sex with a stranger on the Northern line.


Don’t get involved in the sex trade. Yeh I know before you say it, "a bitch got bills to pay! “ I hear ya!  But honestly speaking from experience the pension plans always terrible and it will only make whatever low self esteem issues you clearly already have even worse. No judgements though.


Don’t spend your student loan at the Apple store. Unless your major depressed, then go ahead, you’re worth it. Who cares?


There is a lot of cool free stuff that happens, check the UAL website and save your money for important things like morning after pills and dry shampoo. Pay rent and Uni fees on time, they will chase you like Taliban insurgents until you do pay.


Some will feel homesick, they will miss the family Labrador and the thought of not seeing him till Christmas is simply out of the question. In emergencies like these there’s Megabus. They are the cheapest method of transport. If you book earlier enough you can travel 1 way for £1.




Health


The lemon in your tequila doesn’t count towards your 5 a day.
After the constant partying, you will be looking rough, pale, bloated or malnourished. Try and eat healthy, stick to the boring stuff like fruit and veg.


Join a gym, one of the cheapest is Pure Gyms, there is no joining fee, it’s roughly £20 per month and open 24hrs. Or there are many parks in London, jog round them. Sweat out the toxins for free. You don’t have to keep up with everyone with regards to alcohol consumption. No one bows to peer pressure anymore, it’s so lame.


Safe sex is not for wimps. It’s for people who at the moment don’t want kids or genital warts. You have the rest of your lives to enjoy these things. You will get free condoms, use them. Avoid people who blow them up and put them over there face, this kind of behaviour by students is a massive social faux pas and is only really done by the lectures in their staff room. Trust me, IV seen it.


Living In Harmony


Avoid anyone who brought cuddly toys from home with them or anyone who brought weapons from home with them. Both will just turn out to be attention seekers. Trust me.  It may seem petty to set up a rota in your flat, unnecessary even, there’s no need, everyone will do it anyway and recycling is a massive priority. 


Wrong, they wont, you wont and if your the type of person that will you will probably have a breakdown at some point and if your the person that doesn’t, then your disgusting and shortly people wont enter your flat without a tetanus. 


This will create a bad atmosphere which will turn into stress and distract you from your studies, you and your flatmates will all end up hating each other and the world will explode due to you neglecting your recycling duties. 


Peers


Not everyone is a people person, some people work best alone and that’s cool as well if that’s want they want. There’s people who have lives outside Uni and are here to learn not meet soul mates. Make an effort with people but don’t pester them. Restraining orders in the name of friendship are not cool. There scary. I’m in my second year now and I no one likes or speaks to me yet. Even my tutors and lectures have all at some point spat on me. It’s made me stronger. 


Of course then there’s the other people who go and make friends and skip to class together hand in hand in joyous friendship after knowing each other for 2 mins. They people are annoying. Avoid them. 


Getting Involved


Some people love to protest for good causes. You will find these people in uni, your probably already dying to protest and march for a cause. Rest assure there will be someone here at UAL happy to get you marching for something, and we make the best banners, fact.


However , don’t be throwing fire extinguishers off roofs, deface war monuments or chucking paint at Charles and Camilla, as not only is that unacceptable and illegal , its also already been done , and we here at UAL pride ourselves on originality.


Getting The Most Out Of Uni


Go to class and Have fun but put the hard work in because one way or another you’re paying for this
new Uni life. It will be over in a flash and it would be nice to have a degree to show for it and not just foggy memories, unattractive tattoos and debt.

Life doesn't run away from nobody. Life runs at people - Smokin Joe Frazier,1944-2011 R.I.P

Joe Frazier knocks out Muhammad Ali at the Madison Square
Garden, in New York in 1971

You have to be born a sex symbol. You don't become one. If you're born with it, you'll have it even when you're 100 years old - Sophia Loren

Sophia loren , Pirelli calendar 2007, aged 73. Fucking hell...

"I am not such a dictator that I would shut down Facebook. I'll merely imprison anyone who logs in to it." - Muammar Gaddafi

That awkward moment when no bastard tells you that the fancy dress theme was cancelled.


Following the recent death/murder of Muammar Gaddafi, everyones takling about him, but what do we really know about him that is true? Was he...
a) An evil dictator and part time drag queen contestant 
b) An adorable eccentric with bond villain tendencies 
c) A fashion icon and peoples person
d) All of the above


Who knows? I’m confused what to think so I’m going to go by the old fashioned method and judge the book by its cover, or him by his appearance. Because you can’t deny when it came to his threads, this tyrant Dictator knew how to werq it! 


It’s fair to say he seemed to start of as quite good guy but then got a little crazy as the years went by, and do you know what else got crazy? His wardrobe, that’s what. The emperor’s new clothes were insane. 


The bad news is, he used to give the IRA semtex, he plotted the Lockerbie bombing, and he is supposed to have killed and tortured his own people. He also made some poor choices in his cosmetic surgeons, its not clear if he straight out asked his surgeon for the Jackie Stallone look and we will probably never know and yet somehow we must get on with living our lives.


Every paper, news programme and website in the western world will say how terrible he was, and he was, but that’s so negative, let’s concentrate on the positive because were all about living in the light and love here at Arts London News (The paper im supposed to be writing for). I mean there has to be something special about someone who can take over an entire country at the age of 27 in a bloodless revolution, right? 


In 1973 he changed his title from Prime Minister to ‘Brotherly Leader and Guide of the First of September Great Revolution of the Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya .Muammar al-Gaddafi.’ Which I’m sure you will agree has a much classier ring to it but must be a nightmare for the poor guy who was making the signs for the office door. This was only the start of his ostentatious streak. 


It’s probably fair to say that recently he looked like a hung-over drag queen that had been hit by a truck. But this was not always the case, back in the day before his faced resembled a mud slide he was a good-looking guy , When the English writer Jeffrey Bernard asked the world famous painter Francis Bacon who in the world he would most like to bed, he replied, “I’d like to fuck the pants off Colonel Qaddafi.  So it would seem he also had the Xfactor. In a sort of powerful dictator meets an Arabian Peter Stringfellow kind of way.


Whether it was the pastel blue suit adorned with gold tassels and medals, that made him look a little bit like a Thunderbird, the purple number that looked like it was inspired by something from a Quality Street box, or that classy gold bad-boy outfit with the matching hat and drapes, the man was  fearless is in choice of clothing. Some would say a tad camp for a tyrant dictator and a bit like a panto dame on steroids at times but no other African leader had mastered the fine art of accessorizing their outfits with maps of Africa. Gaddafi did and he did it with panache and bold animal print. He made Lady Gaga look like Gordon Brown.


 At the G8 summit the world leaders were all there, looking boring in there credit crunch suits. They all sneered down at Gaddafi and his flamboyant fashion ensemble, but Gaddafi knew they were all just straight up playa hating. He was rocking his monotone get up and when it came to style, Gaddafi always shut it down. He had more important things to think about anyway, like abolishing Switzerland, owning the Italian football club Juventus and becoming king of all of Africa, as you do.


Before US-NATO Invasion, Libya Had the Highest Human Development Index, The Lowest Infant Mortality, The Highest Life Expectancy, Highest purchasing power in all of Africa. Everyone had free education, free healthcare, and the highest literacy and standard of living in all of Africa. When couples got married, they receive the equivalent of over £30.000, no taxes on people who are involved in agriculture and interest free loans for housing. This is pretty good and not really made common knowlege in the west.


Lets not forget his Amazonian guards, he had 15 of his Amazonian Guards who were all female, and done up with their lipstick and nail polish. They all had to be virgins for reasons unclear. They followed him everywhere and guarded him with their buxom lives. It all made Hugh Heffner look a  bit like an amateur to be honest. He also revolutionized tent interiors and reminded us when we packed a tent, don’t forget the umbrella!


In 2003 after becoming BFF's with Tony Blair, Gaddafi abandoned Libya’s weapons of mass destruction programme, result! (It has since emerged via The Sunday Telegraph that after he was Prime Minister, Blair had 6 private meetings with Gaddafi in Tripoli. Five of those meetings took place in a 14-month period before the 2009 release of Abdelbaset al-Megrahi, the Lockerbie bomber. Also that on at least two occasions Mr Blair flew to Tripoli on a jet paid for by the Libyan government) We are not sure when the last time they hung out and played Xbox etc but its rumoured relations between them had got a little less cosy recently after Blair allegedly took his ball back, went home and didn’t return Gaddafis calls when the Libyan uprising kicked off.


So who are all these Freedom fighters and Rebels? (Remember we used to call the Taliban “rebels”? just saying...) The truth is, were not sure who they are, but we do know that they are into shooting, happy slapping and apparently sodamizing 69 old men while filming it on there mobile phones. Which is obviously hilarious but not totally professional is it? Now The U.N is demanding an enquiry into the death of Gaddafi. Which is a little like the paparazzi demanding an enquiry into the death of Princess Diana but whatever.


Yes conditions were not ideal in Libya, far from it with the human rights atrocities in all but to be honest non worse than what goes on in Saudi Arabia and we don’t give rats a derriere about what goes on there. What about the North Koreans? Or the daily deaths by machete and countless rapes that goes on in the Congo? None of our bees-wax apparently.


Of course he eventually being captured was always in the pipeline (no pun intended) but the fact that when he was finally caught, he was armed with a Golden gun makes me happy. He was literally the man with the golden gun! He was a bond villain to the end and I love him for that, all that was missing was him in his evil lair stroking a cat. But I don’t think even Ian Fleming could have invented a character as nuts as Gaddafi and Pinewood studios could not have match they costumes. But it’s not over yet, as the worlds governments have still to locate his missing billions, (it’s rumoured he may have been the richest man in the world!) So as the saga continues a charity shop somewhere in Tripoli is about to receive one hell of a wardrobe.